What color is Mrs. Joe's hair?

I look in the mirror and see fair skin, dark wavy hair, average height, and slender body type. I look around China and for the most part I see a similar figure. Everyday I am reminded that I am looking through American lenses and the Chinese have their own way of seeing things. I suppose it makes sense. I grew up in a country full of variety. Everybody looks different, so I tend to widen my categories for comparisons. But in China, there are only Chinese. If you can believe it, I've seen fewer foreigners than stars in the polluted, lit up city. I suppose they learn to notice more subtle contrasting features. So when they see me and my seemingly slight differences, they see HUGE differences. Everyone notices, even infants and toddlers. I shock the teens and young adults with my "stunning beauty," I surprise the elderly with my presence, and I scare young children with my unfamiliarity. At home I always thought I had a way with children. I can smile and play peek-a-boo games well. They seem to like me all right at home. But here, I have made more than a handful of children cry or hide behind their mother's legs with a mere glance. You would think I looked like an alien. The 4 to 6 year-olds can't help but mock me. They stick out their tongue or point while notifying the entire bus of my presence. A common scene is where I am already on the public bus, and a grandmother and her young (5 or so) granddaughter step onto the bus. All is normal until the moment they notice me. The little girls eyes widen and Grandma picks her up from her current seat to set her on her lap in order to monitor her behavior around the stranger. Grandma will constantly coax the young girl to be polite and not say anything to the strange women on the bus. It usually doesn't work and I end up with yet another young finger pointed in my direction. It is not intended to be ill mannered. Rather, it is simply a curious and confused young child. It reminds me of an interaction a mother might have in the States with their child of a similar age when they come across a midget or a person with a deformity or other noticeable handicap. I am obviously very different and my presence requires much explaining on behalf of the parent figure. I just wish I knew what explanation they were giving. The common label, as you've read in previous blogs, is "waiguoren" which literally means "outside country person." This sounds a bit harsh to our ears, although again it is not spoken with harmful intent. But when I become a child's language tool in the game "what's this, what's that" it is a bit irritating. There is a 16 month old baby boy who lives on the floor below ours. He is frequently playing on the sidewalk outside our apartment with his grandmother or mother. Each time I pass, grandma says "Waiguoren" like you would when teaching a child "dog", "kitten", "bottle..... Then one day he said his first "waiguoren" with his mom. She was so proud, saying "Yes, honey, waiguoren. Waiguo laoshi" (foreign teacher). What I wanted to say was, in fact I am not just an outsider but I am an American and I would like for you to consider me not as an outsider because I will be living here for a whole year and am trying my best to live by your rules and customs. BUT, they see me from the outside in and no matter what I do, I doubt this will ever change here until the day that enough foreigners have visited the small cities of China that the Chinese can get past the blaring fact that I am from another country.

So I stick out. But how, and why? From the words of one of my better students:

"Your skin is white. Your face and nose are long. Your eyes are big.

And your hair is curly and yellow."

Yellow? Yes, they said yellow!!!