A Traditional Wedding

Katy, a freshman from the local ZhuZhou Teacher’s College invited us to come to her cousin’s traditional wedding on May 1st, Labor Day in China. The Chinese are very serious about numbers and dates, and apparently this was a lucky day for a wedding. So lucky, in fact, that many weddings were being held on the same day. In fact, there were 5 weddings scheduled in the hotel where Katy’s cousin’s banquet was to be held. Katy invited us a week early, but of course the details were not laid out yet. In fact, we didn’t know when or where the wedding would be until 10:30 the night before, and even then the details were still a bit fuzzy. It turned out that we were to meet Katy at 8 am for an 8:30 wedding. Wow!

Our neighbor Janet, our friend Ashley, and David and I made it out to Mystery Dragon Park (Shen Long Gong Yuan) that morning to meet Katy. We bought a hong bao (A small, red paper bag used for giving monetary gifts) and filled it with 88 Yuan, since 8 is a lucky number. Once we met Katy, we walked a ways down the street. Nobody informed us of where we were going. Finally we made it to an intersection and we just stopped. We stood there for about 30 minutes waiting for something, or nothing, we weren’t sure. Katy told us her uncle and father were coming. Janet asked, "Will we all fit in the car?" to which Katy bubbly responded, “What car?” We said "Never mind," pretended like we hadn't said anything, and kept waiting. All of a sudden we could see a long parade coming down the street. The parade was led by some musicians dressed in bright yellow, followed by a man on a horse and behind him a red sedan chair. Katy announced, "Here are my father and uncle!" Apparently the wedding was coming to us! We were instructed to join in the parade down a busy 4 lane street as they passed by us. We took photos and waved at the happy groom, mounted on the horse and dressed in the traditional clothing and headpiece. Other people joined in the procession as well. They were mostly older men and women in everyday clothes, chatting throughout the procession. As I'd worried might happen, we four foreigners unintentionally stole the groom's show a bit, even though we tried to keep a low profile. I think as many photos were taken of us following the procession than were taken of him and his wedding parade. We approached an apartment complex gate and the wedding entered. Katy told us that this was where the bride lived. So the groom had traveled from his home to hers, where we would pick her up in the Sedan Chair. A lovely old woman saw me looking on at the wedding and invited me into the apartment complex to join in the celebrations. She neither was part of the wedding nor did she live at the apartment complex, but some how she felt it her place to invite me in. I said, Thank you and headed into to watch the wedding I was already invited to!

The bride and groom in the bride's apartment. Our neighbor Janet got this shot.


The bride and her attendants. Another photo by Janet.


There was no shortage of fireworks at this wedding!

In the midst of all the excitement, one of my students came running up to me yelling, “Mrs. Joe, Mrs. Joe, why are you here?!” It turned out she lived in the same apartment complex as the bride. It was a holiday and she had no school this Saturday morning, yet she was still wearing her school uniform. One would think after wearing the same uniform every day, to school and to bed, you’d be anxious for a change of clothes. I know she can afford them, as her parents were waiting for her in a car (a luxury item and status symbol here). We saw more of my students around town later in the day, all still clad in uniform. Maybe it is a fashion statement, announcing that your family has enough money to even send their kid to school. I’m really not sure.

Anyway back to the wedding: The bride came out of her home and promptly ducked into the red sedan chair that was awaiting her. The bride's female attendants followed her out the door, in line, hoisting a huge dragon puppet above their heads. The dragon’s body curved and bounced through the air, following the bride down the street. The procession continued in the direction we had just come from with the yellow band in lead; the groom on his horse; some more men carrying the sedan chair; festive looking women dressed in neon green and pink surrounding the sedan chair; and finally the women making the long dragon come to life, who almost looked like knights from the UK with vests, stockings, and tall red boots.

The bride and groom making their way out of the bride's home

Not much time passed before we arrived back at the groom’s home, where the wedding procession had started. The sedan chair was set down and many of the wedding participants broke off to form a drum band. The long dragon twisted itself into a Celtic knot in front of the band. It proceeded to dance in circles and knots, with the puppeteers working hard below to keep the dragon life-like. The dragon bobbed up and down and under his own belly to meet his tail, and then back around again. The drum beat provided a rhythm for the dragon dance. There were two women dressed in mascot-like dragon suites with beady eyes and open mouths, dancing as well. Near the end of the ceremonial dancing, these dragons dropped their 3 foot long tongues from inside their mouths, revealing a wish written in characters for the couple. Then the bride was led out of the sedan chair by the groom, past the crowds, and up the stairs of the apartment building, with the snake-like dragon in tail. We were told the newly married couple would "have a rest" at home until the lunch banquet later. More “happiness candy” was handed out among the guests as we all began chatting. Two 10 year old boys who'd happened upon the wedding found David and thought it was funny to play hide and seek with him in the bride’s now empty sedan chair.

The band played. . .


. . . and the dragon danced


. . . and danced


Playing hide and seek in the bride's sedan chair


David joined in the game

People began dispersing, and it appeared that the wedding was over. As we were about to leave, we handed Katy’s family our red envelope with money for the bride and groom. I think this is where we went wrong, since in China no gift is received without providing a gift in return. In our minds, they gave us a gift by inviting us to their wedding. In their minds, they now owed us something. We were immediately invited to the banquet lunch. We said "Thank you, but no Thank You." We did not want to attend because we didn’t want to cost the family more money on food for us, but more importantly, we didn’t want to steal attention from the bride and groom any more than we already had. So, we told them we had things to do. That didn't work. Next, we said it wasn’t necessary for them to invite us. This also didn't work. Then, said we weren’t hungry. Didn't work. So finally, finally we had to say yes. We didn't want to be a burden, but the entire group of wedding guests began begging us to come to lunch and it would have been rude to not to have accepted at that point.

A cute baby we saw while watching the festivities

We arrived at the hotel at 10:30 am for the lunch banquet. There, a big boned, confident woman decided she was going to keep us under her wing. She was in such a hurry to sit down for the banquet. She pushed us past picture opportunities and waited impatiently for us when we stopped at the bathroom. We sat down at a round table, and then 5 minutes later she moved us to another table. She examined the drinks that were being placed on the tables and looked critically at the other guests that arrived. After 30 minutes with her, we decided she must be the crazy great aunt everyone in the family tries to avoid. Katy came by our table to inform us that the wedding "ceremony" (They were having a more modern ceremony at the hotel, in addition to the traditional one that had taken place earlier) would start at 12:08 and end at 12:16, when the banquet lunch would begin. (again, because eights are lucky). The funny thing was that so many people in China were getting married this day that there were multiple weddings in the hotel at the same time. One of these other weddings shared the banquet hall with the wedding we were attending. The 2 weddings were only separated by 6 foot tall room dividers. The second wedding's ceremony began at 12:16 so as not to overlap with ours. While we ate, we would get to hear the music, speeches, and everything that went along with the other couple's wedding as well! We got two weddings for the price of one!

The “modern” portion of the wedding ceremony involved the bride and groom standing on a stage at one end of the hall in front of a larger-than-life billboard photo of the two of them. A man, who would have been a minister in the US (but was more of a "professional MC" in China), spoke into a microphone and conducted the ceremony. He handed the happy couple a gaudy stuffed doll of a bride and groom, compliments of the hotel. Then he invited the parents to the front. Dressed in their dull daily attire, both fathers said something and all four parents handed the couple red envelopes with money. They maintained stoic facial expressions throughout the ceremony. The couple then stood on stage while a fountain of fireworks sprayed back and forth, like a Chinese fan, about 3 feet in front of the couple. Yes, that's right: Fireworks indoors (Yikes)! Then more streamer guns were shot off, making a scary display of flying paper, and firework flames. The fireworks were intended to shoot higher than the ceiling in this hotel allowed, and were therefore ricocheting off of the ceiling and coming down in all directions. The room filled with smoke and we could barely see. My favorite part of the 8 minute long ceremony was when the groom’s cell phone rang, and he actually answered it and talked for at least 2 minutes! I wonder if the bride got onto him about that later.

Somber expressions


Fireworks . . . indoors . . . not safe


The groom answered his phone in the middle of the service. I'm sure the bride loved that!

An elaborate meal, 7 types of drinks, beetle nuts (a nicotine chew toy for those who don’t value their teeth), and cigarettes were served. The great aunt and her equally annoying friend (both over 60) partook in the beetle nuts and cigarettes, neither of which are commonly used by females. Then when they saw we didn’t want any, they stuck the rest into their purses!!! They also took the leftovers from our table home, a big taboo in China at banquets like this! We each received a gift bag (red of course) with snacks of varying meat flavors and more disgusting candy, in flavors such as “green pea and milk”.

The couple came to each table to toast the guests. They also greeted people as they exited the wedding. It was a great experience being invited to both parts of the wedding. Katy told us later that her cousin was very excited to have foreigners attend his wedding and that all of his friends were very envious. I guess in America, President Obama or Bon Jovi coming to a wedding might take away some of the attention from the bride and groom, but if you had the chance to invite them, you wouldn’t turn them down either. I’m glad he was happy to have us.

One thing we found to be very interesting about the wedding was one very, non-traditional aspect. The bride was 7 months pregnant! We didn’t notice until she wore a short red dress at the lunch. I guess they had been engaged for a long time, and were waiting to have the wedding on this lucky holiday. Nobody seemed to mind or even bring it up that she was already expecting a child. I was really excited to see that my understanding of the cultural tendencies to handle such situations is not always accurate. China is becoming more open minded and accepting, and I’m glad they showered the couple with a traditional wedding, rather than deciding it wasn’t worth it. I’m also glad we were there to witness it!

The Groom on horseback making his way down the street

In the parking lot of the bride’s apartment building were a few parked cars, motos, and bikes, as well as trash bins, clothes hanging from light posts to dry, and a crowd of people! The groom carried a bouquet of red roses into the first floor apartment that was crowded with women attending to the bride. The groom handed the flowers to the bride, who was dressed all in red, and gave her a kiss. Her face remained covered with a red veil. Black-cats and fireworks were set off extremely close to the crowd of wedding guests huddled around the apartment door, waiting for the bride’s exit. Men shot off “fireworks” that sprayed paper confetti as well. Candy was passed and even thrown around to all of the guests in celebration.